‘It felt like a monster behind you’: Survivors of school abuse – in their own words

“When it happened on Monday and Tuesday you knew you were lucky because that meant you were off Wednesday and Thursday,” said one. “But you were probably back on for the Friday … it felt like a monster behind you.”
As part of the Government’s scoping inquiry, 205 people, mostly men, completed questionnaires on their experiences of abuse in more than 80 schools, across at least 22 counties, run by 24 religious orders.
Of those, 149 later gave interviews or written testimonies about the abuse they suffered.
They described being “molested, stripped naked, raped and drugged amid an atmosphere of terror and silence”, the report says, describing the recollections as “distressing and often harrowing to read”.
“He’d get through as many of us as he could at a time. He abused us in front of each other,” a former pupil remembered.
One participant emphasised that the school principal was aware of what his colleagues were doing: he would “open the door, see the abuse taking place, even rape in progress, and just close the door again”.
Abuse was so extensive, the report categorises incidents by location: the abuse happened in classrooms, in private, in living areas, in swimming pools, on school trips.
Often it took place in view of others, often when children were alone.
“These were places where I was abused. The dressingroom, at the football pitch, the handball alley that was in Croke Park at the time. I still tremble every time I go to see the Dubs play,” said one.
On occasion, another teacher’s class offered refuge.
“If you could get into [that teacher’s] class, you could escape the corridors and the priests. You were safe. It was like Schindler’s list,” one said.
[ The Irish Times view: a shocking outline of widespread abuseOpens in new window ]
A small number reported being drugged into immobility or unconsciousness.
“I could never remember this, I can remember the beginning, I can never remember the middle, I can remember the end,” said one participant, suspecting the use of chloroform.
Some reported being physically restrained. On a school trip, an abuser took the pupil away from the group, “then proceeded to handcuff and molest him”.
Sexual abuse was often mixed with other violent physical abuse. A pupil described receiving “regular and severe beatings” from a priest who used a leather strap with florins stitched in to add weight.
“[The priest] used to move against him and smell him as he beat him,” said the report. “The participant believes it was a ‘sexual thing’ for him.”
There was abuse in the company of others. “We were all forced to read with our heads facing down towards the desk and then his hands were all over us.”
Another described difficulty breathing. “I thought I was asphyxiating, just terrible, terrible fear and fright.”
There was abuse when children were alone. “The abuser took the participant up to the church gallery to see the organ and while there, anally raped the participant.”
On one occasion, a child wore extra pants to school “to make it more difficult” for the abuser to access his body, but the abuser went “berserk” and beat him.
“Not always me,” said one former pupil, “but someone was abused every day. Everyone was abused two to three times a year.”
In one instance, a child was taking a shower when his abuser, naked, attacked him.
“[It] was the worst incident of abuse he experienced. This happened in sixth class. The participant felt that he went into a trance after this,” said the report.
One participant said pupils had to shower twice a week by stripping naked and running along the corridors, watched by priests. “Sometimes there were priests in the showers ‘helping’ to wash them.”
Children described isolation from their families. They recounted seeing others being raped in their sleeping quarters.
“On one of his first nights, he witnessed a boy being raped by two priests in the dorm while the others were sleeping. The boy was beaten unconscious, and they took turns with the boy,” said one.
Another remembered a staff member coming into the dorm at night, moving from one bed to another.
“I was rigid with fear. I was an extremely innocent 12-year-old.”